Question by IQ: What do you say in a wedding speech when you think the marriage is a mistake?
I’m going to be maid of honor in my friend’s wedding, but I don’t believe that she is going to be happy with the man she’s marrying. He is not a bad man and will not ever hurt her, but I don’t think they’re really right for each other. I have reasons for this, but I won’t bore you with them. I’ve told her my concerns, and she is convinced she is doing the right thing.
My question is, how can I make my speech at the wedding without lying? I can’t say that I know they’ll be so happy together, etc., etc., because that would be a blatant lie. What else can I talk about that will spare me having to lie?
To Larmarine: You’ve got it quite backwards. I told her my concerns when they first got engaged (after they knew each other less than a year, by the way, and she has a VERY rocky relationship history), but she was decided, so I have respected her decision ever since. The reason I’m concerned that she may be marrying the wrong guy is BECAUSE I’m a real friend. If I didn’t really care about her I wouldn’t give a damn whether she would be happy in the future or not.
****NOTE****
One of the reasons I know they’re wrong together is because she doesn’t seem to love him that much! If she did, I would be thrilled, but she never talks about him except to complain, they bicker constantly, and at no point during their whole relationship have I seen her appear truly happy. She has NEVER told me how happy she is with him and how great he is, and she is the type to talk about that with everyone she meets. Normally she can’t stop gushing whenever she’s happy about anything, but she’s never done it once since they got together. I’m not disregarding her happiness, she actually doesn’t seem that happy!!
Best answer:
Answer by edc201283
Talk about the future rather than the past.
Give your answer to this question below!
When in doubt, read a poem. Even if you don’t believe what you’re saying, it’s important for your friend to have you say it. Who knows, in 50 years they may still be together and happy. You just never know.
I don’t see the confusion, you are being selfish and rude by trying to impose your beliefs that they are not right for each other, that is not your place or your decision. You make a speech like any real friend would at any other wedding. This isn’t about what you think kiddo, its about your friend, and if you can’t realize that, you sure as hell ain’t a real friend.
I don’t think that weddind is mistake.But it depends on the nature of the partner.If he or she feels comfortable with each other then they can live happy life but at the same time if there is any misconception between them then one can’t do anything .It totally depends on them
i commend you for being honest with her, since you were up front with her about it, tell her you dont feel comfortable giving a speech, the maid of honor is not “required” to toast the couple, it is by choice only, blame it on stage fright if you would like, but if you do want to give a speech, just wish them well with statements like “i HOPE you two have a nice long wonderful marriage” leave out the “i know you will” since you dont really believe it, honesty is always the best, just dont get up there and say “im against this marriage blah blah blah” or just say nice things about the couple “bob you have a great sense of humor and i hope you can always make jane laugh” or “jane you have a very loving heart, always share that love with bob” weddings are about happiness and joy, just dont depress the place! you obviously mean a lot to her by being her maid of honor, and it is important for you to be there, so just try to be supportive, at least at face value, you told her your doubts and she is still proceeding so let her make her own mistakes, if not you could ruin your friendship!
Talk about the love they have for each other.
Talk about the times your friend has spoken about her man with such passion & love & with stars in her eyes.
If all else fails, you could try http://www.yourwedding.com.au there is a page for speeches, it might help with the format at least ;o)
ADDED: Well, that just plain sucks then, cant talk about the love if you dont see it there! Try the website & best of luck ;o)
Here’s to your future happiness which we all hope for you both. Best of luck and blessings.
simple and no lie.
I would try talking to the friend one last time, but if that doesn’t work. Just talk about how nice of a man he is and if she seems to be truly happy, talk about that. I mean you never know what she sees in him that you can’t. If they don’t stay happily married, don’t say “I told you so” just be a friend and be there for her.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…
You probably shouldn’t be making the speech. Sorry, but you really shouldn’t be an attendant at the wedding, since you do not support the bride and groom; that’s what the wedding party is for – those who are in favour of the marriage and support the couple. Perhaps you need to reconsider having a role.
well i think you should start with expressing what good is going to come out of the marragie and talk about that first because at least you wont be lying and i dont think u should lie either as in the end you are going to be the one who has to live with it no one else just you and its not fair as your then putting stress on your self so over all just say what you thinks good and go on from there you never no as the marrage goes on you might like him even more good luck xx
Instead of saying something like “you know they will be happy together”
Why don’t you wish them nothing but the best, hope things will always fall into place for them, and that together they will grow and find even a deeper love then what they share now… or use the Irish Wedding Prayer as your speech?
What the heck where you thinking when you through your life away. Just joke around it helps even if you are serious tell how you feel and turn it into a joke
Talk about the general concept of love and marriage… Then say something like “To (bride) and (groom) may your marriage be happy and loving today and always” Then you haven’t lied and wished them the best.
Jen has some great answers above, and I would just add to keep it short and light. If you intend to stay friends after the wedding, it is probably too late by now to change her mind anyway, so jump on board and hope for the best. Be ready to support her after the wedding if things start to go sour. It is her life and she may have to learn the hard way. I hope not. You could make your toast speech very short and light by simply relating a quick story about/from your friendship, and then add at the end how much you hope that they will have a long and happy life together. Adding that if he makes her unhappy you will have to kill him … and you really don’t want to do that because you are running out of hiding places for the bodies. A friendly warning well concealed as an innocent joke. Remember, sometimes you can’t save people from their own bad decisions, you can only be there after the fact to console and comfort. Good luck to you and her.
I was in this situation about 3 years ago. I was maid of honour for my best friend who was getting married to a guy who had cheated on her on the internet. (I still consider this cheating.) Also, they were very young and I just didn’t think it was a good idea. She knew my concerns but was still going ahead with the wedding.
Instead of dropping out of the wedding and losing my friend (which would have happened), I wrote a speech about my relationship with her. We became friends when both of us were new to our high school and didn’t know anyone else. It was easy to write about how we met, what made us such good friends, why she was such a great person, etc.
Definitely try that route. It doesn’t have to be about the couple, it can be solely about the friend and your relationship.
Good luck! I know it’s not an easy situation.
First of all…you NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors. Meaning, you have no idea what their relationship is truly like and you will never know that….that is between the two of them. That being said, if you really can’t suck it up for your friend and tell them that they’ll be happy together…then go the politically correct route. Tell a funny story/memory of her and talk mostly about her and what a great woman he’s getting. Just end it like that…”you’ve married a wonderful(more adjectives) woman. Congratulations to you both!” Keep it quick, keep it about how great she is and you’ll totally get away with it. Good luck!
it’s kinda difficult to be in a situation when a loved-one is going to pursue on something that could possible hurt them in the long run. to talk to them about your worry takes a lot of courage in the first place because it might put some strain on the friendship. i commend you!
but i have to say that most of my past regrets are done by taking the advice of some of the people who wants the best for me… people who loved me who thought they know what’s really the best for me. i listen to them & used their advice, but i didnt learn coz i feared to try it on my own. it robbed me my chance to experience them myself… i didnt grow.
Luckily right now i experience my independence.. working abroad i have to make the decisions on my own. i made mistakes, but i own up to them, i have nobody to blame but myself… it made me stronger coz nobody thinks i cant handle my life anymore.
Your friend is mature enough to know what she’s gonna go through.. as a good friend just assure her you’d be there no matter what. Love is something we give no matter what, though marriage is not the best way to validate it, if your friend felt it is, just be there.. when you trully love her as your friend, your speech is going to be about how you love her…
how you want her to experience Life & Love & wish her not just the happiness but the strength to make it through. and that she has all the LOVE inside & outside her marriage.
Extend my congratulations 2 her & future hubby!